Gone too soon

Exactly one week ago when they took our first baby away... I was 11 weeks pregnant.

"I can't find the baby's heartbeat" these are the words that the Doctor said at the Hospital. She did the ultrasound three times but she couldn't find it. I was also checking the machine maybe she just didn't know where to find the heartbeat. She said that I have to come back after a week to check again. We sought for a second opinion and went to see our first OB doctor. The Doctor once again confirmed to us that she couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. It was a missed abortion/miscarriage. She said that I have to do a D&C to remove the baby and clean my uterus.

Jon and I are so devastated. It was our first baby and we were looking forward to have him/her by February 2011.

We have no choice but to follow the Doctor's advise. For a while I blamed myself for losing the baby. I kept on asking the Doctor the reason why it happened but she kept on telling me that sometimes they just don't develop due to chromosomal abnormality? What?? Do you mean that my genes and Jon's genes are not compatible. She explained that most chromosomal problems happen by chance and have nothing to do with the parents, and are unlikely to recur.

It was a rollercoaster of emotion. I never asked God why it happened to me because I have a honest answer inside my heart.. it's His will. I always remind myself about God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I will always look up to His promise.

One thing I've learned about this experience is that it brought me closer to my husband. Yes, I do love him but now I love him even more. I saw how brave and optimistic he was while dealing with the situation. He showed me great love and care while we were in the most deepest of our emotion. He made laugh everyday to overcome my depression. He is my hero! He is my Man.

To our baby...I am sorry you were not able to see the beauty of life but we will always have you in our hearts.

To our dear friends and family... Thank you for all the love and prayers.

We will overcome this...

First Time...

Yes at last!! I was able to do something new again this year.

For a long time, I am always writing my thoughts, my vision, my battle and failure in a normal notebook. I always wanted to have my own blog but I am scared because I know my english is not perfect. Who cares! Minsan nga mas nararamdaman pa kung buo galing sa puso ang sinasabi.

I always thought na magaling akong mag-english. I remember getting 8/10 and 9/10 sa Essay writing skills namin noong elementary. Pero hanggang doon na lang yun.

Isa sa New Year's resolution ko ang makapag sulat sa blog at ishare ang nararamdaman ko. Listed below ang iba sa mga New Year's resolution ko na may ilang hanggang ngayon ay di ko pa nagawa.

1. Get Married (which is civilly married last Feb 27, 2010 in Manila)
2. Plan for our Church wedding in 2012 (we have decided on few wedding suppliers na)
3. Learn to play a Musical instrument
4. Try to wear high heels shoes ( as in mga stilettos, i haven't tried, last time na nag heels ako was JS prom ko pa)
5. Donate money to church or charity. (I've been doing this since naging OFW ako)
6. Visit UST, my alma mater at magpapicture sa malaking UST
7. Try to finish a book. (until now bili lng ako ng bili pero hanggang umpisa lang ako)
8. Will go to church atleast once a month
9. Plan a vaction trip (Bali, Indonesia, Istanbul, Turkey, Kathmandu, Nepal, Japan, Hong Kong and Malaysia)
10. Learn a new language preferably Spanish (como estas?)
11. Try another Extreme Adventure (Scuba Diving, Sky Diving and White Water Rafting)

So much for now... i rereview ko ulit sya before the year ends.