Gone too soon

Exactly one week ago when they took our first baby away... I was 11 weeks pregnant.

"I can't find the baby's heartbeat" these are the words that the Doctor said at the Hospital. She did the ultrasound three times but she couldn't find it. I was also checking the machine maybe she just didn't know where to find the heartbeat. She said that I have to come back after a week to check again. We sought for a second opinion and went to see our first OB doctor. The Doctor once again confirmed to us that she couldn't find the baby's heartbeat. It was a missed abortion/miscarriage. She said that I have to do a D&C to remove the baby and clean my uterus.

Jon and I are so devastated. It was our first baby and we were looking forward to have him/her by February 2011.

We have no choice but to follow the Doctor's advise. For a while I blamed myself for losing the baby. I kept on asking the Doctor the reason why it happened but she kept on telling me that sometimes they just don't develop due to chromosomal abnormality? What?? Do you mean that my genes and Jon's genes are not compatible. She explained that most chromosomal problems happen by chance and have nothing to do with the parents, and are unlikely to recur.

It was a rollercoaster of emotion. I never asked God why it happened to me because I have a honest answer inside my heart.. it's His will. I always remind myself about God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I will always look up to His promise.

One thing I've learned about this experience is that it brought me closer to my husband. Yes, I do love him but now I love him even more. I saw how brave and optimistic he was while dealing with the situation. He showed me great love and care while we were in the most deepest of our emotion. He made laugh everyday to overcome my depression. He is my hero! He is my Man.

To our baby...I am sorry you were not able to see the beauty of life but we will always have you in our hearts.

To our dear friends and family... Thank you for all the love and prayers.

We will overcome this...